Convinced
by whyibelieveitsafish
Summary: A repost of a story I wrote ages ago- Malec, post COLS. How are Magnus and Alec coping with their breakup? (As awfully as you might predict, actually) Sorry for the chapter repeat issues, should be fixed now!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I wrote this ages ago, but I thought I should repost it in the run-up to City of Heavenly Fire. I've made a few minor editions, but otherwise it's pretty much the same.**

**I don't own any of the characters, of course!**

Magnus pushed the door to his apartment open tentatively, heart pounding in his chest.

_What if he's still here?_

But no. The silent gloom that unfolded before him was undoubtedly empty. He heaved a sigh of relief, pushing the door shut behind him. He didn't think he could bear to see Alec again.

He knew the Shadowhunter had been there. Even if he hadn't noticed the missing pair of shoes by the door; the subtle disruption of his neatly ordered DVD stack, or the absence of one black jacket that usually hung over the end of the sofa, he would have caught the faint whiff of Shadowhunter in the air. Other Downworlders often compared it to either sunlight or vermin- most often the latter- but to Magnus, it had simply come to signify _Alec_.

He groaned, running his hands through his damp hair. He had spent the last six hours wandering through the rainy streets of New York, and it had taken its toll. He was too proud to admit to Alec that he hadn't wanted to watch the boy clear his things out of the apartment they had almost shared, but not to admit it to himself.

His eyes fell upon the glint of Alec's key. He'd left it exactly where instructed, in the middle of the table.

Magnus was sure it was the single most depressing thing he'd seen in the last two centuries.

He strode over to the table, about to grab the key and hurl it from the window, hurt and rage boiling up inside him. How _dare _Alec do this to him? How could he? Magnus had given him everything he had- and yet the boy had still wanted more...

Typical. _Typical._ Never trust a Shadowhunter. Never.

He seized the key with fiery determination- and then froze, an unexpected crumpling sound filling his ears.

Slowly, he unfurled his long fingers. Attached to the key was a small square of paper, now creased where Magnus had folded it.

With trembling hands, he pulled the key off it and slipped it into his pocket. He could see Alec's neat handwriting where the light shone through the page.

"Please don't be another apology." He muttered, and then quickly opened the note and began to read, before he could lose his nerve.

"_Magnus,_

_Camille is dead. I ran into Maureen- that little girl Simon used to know- and she claimed she'd killed her. It seems Maureen wanted to become head of the New York Clan, and she succeeded. I'm sorry you have to hear this way. I just thought you should know. _

_Alec"_

Magnus stared at the note for a long time, trying to comprehend what he'd just read.

Camille was... gone? Really gone? He couldn't wrap his head around the idea. Camille was one of the few things in Magnus' life that was unchanging- whether he liked it or not. The idea that she had simply _died- _without any warning, without any real fight- was deeply unsettling to him.

Of course, knowing Camille, this was simply another elaborate trick. Magnus shook his head. She couldn't be dead. She just couldn't be.

No, the more pressing issue of the moment was the note itself. Was this all Alec had to say to him? After everything that had happened between them, all the suspicion and the lying and accusations... This was all he got?

He didn't know why he'd expected different. Camille's death was a matter of business, and Alec was _always_ professional about business.

He was straightforward, or so Magnus had always thought. It was one of the reasons he'd fallen in love with him.

Groaning, he threw himself theatrically down on the sofa, well aware that his only audience was Chairman Meow, who watched him with large, reproachful eyes.

"It's not my fault." Magnus informed him, covering his face with his hands. "He genuinely considered killing me. That's not the sort of thing you do if you love someone."

These were the words Magnus had repeated to himself on end as he had followed Alec to the train station that morning, his heart sinking so low into the Earth he doubted he would ever see it again. He knew it was true. He knew if their positions were reversed, he would never have done what Alec had.

_That's not the sort of thing you do if you love someone._

He knew it in every fibre of his being.

The Chairman, however, did not look at all convinced.

CHAPTER TWO

Alec was back at the institute by six o'clock in the evening, lugging heavy bags in each hand. He was soaked through, and dripping all over the floor, but his skin had gone numb somewhere during the long trek from Magnus' apartment, and Alec couldn't really find it in himself to care all that much.

He heard the banging of doors somewhere up ahead of him, and after a few moments, his sister appeared, grinning from ear to ear. It was a grin Alec knew well; it signified something dangerous was going on, and Izzy was excited. It was a look he had seen not only on her face, but on Jace's as well.

"Alec! You'll never guess what's happened! Camille is dead! That girl Maureen-"

"... Killed her to become head of the New York clan. I know." Alec cut in, is voice tired and monotone.

Izzy looked disappointed that her big reveal had been ruined. "How did you know? Did Magnus tell you?" Her dark eyes flickered for the first time to what was in his hands. "What on _earth_ are have you got in there?"

"Nothing important." He pushed past her, and began to make his way towards his bedroom, desperate to be left alone.

He should have known better. Izzy was following behind him in an instant, seizing one of the great black sacs from his grip and peering inside.

"Shoes, shower gel, jacket, underwear..." She listed, ignoring Alec's feeble protests. "Whose are these? Yours?"

"Yes."

Izzy frowned. "But where...?"

"By the angel Izzy!" Alec exclaimed. They had reached the door to his bedroom, and he shoved it open aggressively, fully intending to shut his sister out.

But Izzy had other ideas. She slipped in after him, her face creased with concern.

"Alec, you're worrying me. What's wrong?"

He closed his eyes. All he wanted was to lie down on his bed and repeatedly mentally kick himself for being so _stupid_. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You can't say that and just expect me to leave it alone!" She took another look inside the plastic bags, realisation slowly dawning on her face. "This is your stuff from Magnus'."

Alec flopped down on his bed, eyes closed. "He dumped me."

"_What_?!"

Izzy was at his side in an instant, staring at him, aghast. "I... He..."

Alec hesitated, unsure of what to say. He hadn't told _anyone_ about his secret meetings with Camille; not Izzy, not Clary, not even_ Jace_. He hadn't wanted Magnus to find out.

Now, he was almost too ashamed to say it.

_He was right to leave you. How could you? _

But what did he have to lose? Izzy was still watching his face, disbelief and worry written everywhere in her expression.

"I've been meeting with Camille." He finally said. "And talking to her about Magnus."

Izzy raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"She... She said she knew a way that Magnus could stop being immortal. A spell. She said that... If I helped her, she would perform it, and he would become mortal. And he wouldn't know I had anything to do with it."

Alec stared down at the duvet, unable to meet his sister's gaze. "But I couldn't. I told her I couldn't. But..."

"But?"

He glanced up, and immediately wished he hadn't. Izzy's eyes burned with a furious disapproval, the likes of which he had never seen in them before. For an unsettling, unpleasant moment, he was reminded of his Father.

"I carried on meeting her." He rushed on. "She knew things about him. Things he never told me... This morning, when I went to the station to see her, Magnus followed me. She told him everything. And he said he couldn't trust me anymore. He doesn't want to see me- or you, or Clary- again. Ever."

He could feel tears burning at the back of his throat, but he held them down. He was a Shadowhunter. He couldn't cry.

Suddenly, he felt Izzy's arms closing around him. "You're so stupid." She said.

"I know."

"Do you think he'll forgive you?"

Alec shook his head, fighting ever harder with the ache in his throat and the stinging in his eyes. "I've never seen him like that before. He was so... distant. I think he hates me."

"Alec, he _loves_ you. I know he does."

"He said he does. That doesn't mean he doesn't hate me too. I don't know what I'm going to do." He whispered. "I know I can't expect him to come back, but I can't face the idea that he won't. I don't know what to do."

Izzy didn't say anything, but pulled her brother into a tight hug. She had nothing to say to him; half of the words that came to mind were angry reproaches, and the other half empty comforts she knew would do nothing to help him.

"Don't tell Mom and Dad." He hissed after a while. "Please?"

"I was never intending to." She promised, stroking his hair. "Go to sleep Alec. It'll seem better in the morning."

"I doubt it." He muttered, but pulled away as she stood up, wiping his eyes defiantly.

"I'm just going to sit here." She informed him, collapsing into the armchair in the corner of his room. "Until you drift off."

"Why?"

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"Izzy, I don't want you to do that."

"I know you don't _want_ me to. But I know it isn't fun to be alone when you're upset."

"Fine." Alec closed his eyes, and collapsed back on the pillow. He looked exhausted, Izzy thought, and drained. If she hadn't thought that Magnus was at least a little in the right, she would have been over at his apartment right then and there. But she couldn't prevent her thoughts from drifting back to Simon.

If someone had offered her a chance to make him human, so that they could live and laugh and grow old together, would she have taken it?

Was that what love was?

"Izzy?"

"Uhuh?"

"If you tell Jace about this, tell him I fought much harder than that to get you to leave."

Izzy smiled, in spite of herself. "Don't worry," She said. "I will."


	2. Chapter 2

Time flickered by, after that. Some days flew past so quickly he barely noticed them; others dragged, sluggish and dull, though he knew that time itself had stayed the same. It was like trying to run in a dream, he mused: he felt he was going somewhere, but when he looked around, he was exactly where he had been before.

He still went out demon hunting with Jace and Izzy, and even Clary, now that her training was beginning to kick in. And he was as good as he ever had been. He was a Shadowhunter. He knew how to turn off his emotions.

It wasn't so easy, however, when they were all back at the institute at night. Wherever he went, he found _couples. _Jace and Clary, Simon and Izzy (Although they thankfully could not actually come inside the hallowed building), and even Maia and Jordan had taken to spending their time there. Kissing, whispering to each other, laughing... It made him feel nauseous.

Alec, for his part, spent most of his free time in the library, staring blankly at the pages of supremely boring books. Or in bed, thinking about Magnus.

Actually, he was always thinking about Magnus, no matter what he was doing.

Several times he had picked up his phone, and stared at the Warlock's number for what felt like hours, finger hovering over the dial button. But he had never called.

Magnus didn't want to hear from Alec. And Alec didn't want to do anything that might make Magnus hate him even more than he already did.

The only distraction he had found- aside from hunting demons- was hunting Sebastian.

Never had Alec hated anyone so much in all his life. The boy had murdered his little brother, tried to kill Izzy, kidnapped and brainwashed his _Parabatai,_ and almost caused Magnus' death. Alec would not rest until he knew for certain that Sebastian had died a slow and painful death, and was back in hell where he belonged.

Constantly, he nagged Clary about creating a rune that might find him, but she insisted she had no idea where to start.

"It's not that simple!" She told him for what felt like the thousandth time. "I need to be able to visualize it in my mind, and I can't! You'll just have to wait!"

They kept a constant eye on demon activity in the area, though. Just waiting for something that seemed out of place.

It took over a month for anything to happen. Alec was lying in his bed, staring miserably at a photograph of himself and Magnus in India, when a hammering at his door startled him out of his reverie.

"Alec! Alec, come quickly!"

It was Izzy.

He hastily shoved the picture under his pillow, and ran to the door, heaving it open in a single movement.

"What is it?"

"There's a greater demon on the loose in Brooklyn! We think somebody let it through as a diversion, because there're also higher levels of demon activity in Manhattan!"

"By somebody...?"

"I mean Sebastian! Come on, we're meeting in the kitchen to plan what to do next!"

And with that, she turned on her heel and was gone, Alec rushing after her.

"We can't all go to Brooklyn. That will mean that if it _is _Sebastian in Manhattan, he'll get away with whatever he's doing."

"Agreed. But we can't send too few people. It's a _greater demon_, it'll tear us to pieces!"

"We need more back up. No offence, Maia and Jordan, but Werewolves aren't that much good against greater demons. We need help from the Clave."

"The Clave have proved themselves useless time and time again. No, what we need to do is paralyse send half of us to each place. If Sebastian isn't involved in Manhattan, it'll be over quickly. If it is..."

"Then we're in trouble."

They all looked around at each other, utterly at a loss for what to do. With every moment they waited, they could feel time slipping through their fingers.

"What we need to do is slow the Greater Demon down somehow. If we make it slow, then two of us could tackle it easily."

"How? We don't have any runes that powerful. Clary...?"

Clary shrugged. "I could, I think. But I'd have to draw it on the demon itself. It would be very difficult."

"Absolutely not." Jace snapped, eyes blazing. "It would be suicidal."

Alec rolled his eyes, but said nothing. The six of them sat in silence for a moment, until,

"You know, it's the sort of thing you could probably manage via magic..."

Jordan had spoken mildly enough, but the tension in the room was instantly palpable.

"No. Don't even go there."

"Alec-"

"No!" He stared around at them furiously. "It's not going to happen."

"Are you really going to endanger other people's lives over your petty breakup?" Jace's voice was harsh, and Alec flinched away from him.

"It's not that. He won't help us. People usually have to _pay_ for his services, you know? And he stated _very_ clearly that he wanted nothing to do with us anymore."

Clary shook her head. "Magnus is a good man, Alec, whatever else he might pretend. He won't want Sebastian running riot in New York!"

"There are other Warlocks in the city!" Alec implored, sounding a little pathetic even to his own ears.

"Not powerful Warlocks. Not as powerful as Magnus. Alec, _please_! If you just talk to him..."

"If I talk to him, he'll probably go and lend Sebastian a helping hand! He hates me!"

"No, he doesn't." Jace sounded bored now. All at once, he was on his feet, steele in hand.

"If you're not going to go and see him, then I will." He threatened. Alec stared back at him defiantly, his heart jumping in his chest.

"Have it your way." Jace muttered after a second, and stormed from the room. Alec stared after him for a moment. Then, he slammed his fist into the table and jumped up.

"I'm going to get ready." He muttered, and slammed his way out after Jace.

Magnus Bane had not left his apartment for three weeks. He had not let anyone into his apartment for two weeks, and that was only Tessa Gray, on a fly-through visit to New York. She had practically had to cut him out of the sofa, and shove him into the shower, shouting occasional words of disbelief at the state of his apartment as she cleaned it.

Magnus had missed her, and decided he would be perfectly content if she was the only other person he had contact with for the rest of his life.

She had managed to make him feel normal for a day or so, chatting away about her latest visit to Egypt, and all the wonderful museums she had been to. It sounded like fun, but Magnus could barely bring himself to be enthused. Nonetheless, Tessa had assured him she would be straight back after her visit to London—she was going to see Jem, again—to (in her words) _"get him out of this dingy apartment."_

Magnus was grateful, but the moment she'd left, he'd dropped himself back onto the sofa, turning on the TV as a low buzz in the background. He didn't feel like going anywhere, or doing anything other than brooding over Alec, turning the events of the last months over and over in his mind.

_I did the right thing._ He told himself, not for the first time. _For both of us._

Yet common sense did little to dull the ache inside of him. He missed everything about Alec. Absolutely everything.

All at once, the buzzer that signified someone waiting to enter his building sounded loudly. Magnus answered without moving, using magic to transmit his voice across the room.

"Who disturbs the High Warlock of Brooklyn?" He asked, tiredly.

"Jace Lightwood. Open up, Magnus."

Magnus groaned. _Not today_. He prayed silently. _Just don't make me deal with them today. Or tomorrow. Or at all, in fact._

"I thought I told Alec I didn't want to see you anymore." He spoke smoothly, his voice only hitching slightly over the boy's name. That was an improvement; when he had tried to talk about him to Tessa, he had found himself struggling to get it out at all.

"You did."

"Then why are you here?"

"I thought you might have changed your mind. After all, the world can be pretty bleak without me in it."

Magnus stood up, rubbing his eyes. "I haven't."

"It's not about Alec, if that's what you're worried about."

Magnus hesitated. "No?"

"No. We believe Sebastian has set a greater demon loose nearby, to divert us from attacking him in Manhattan."

"And this concerns me why, exactly?"

"Let me come up, and I'll explain."

Magnus rolled his eyes, and buried his face in his hands. He wasn't about to get rid of Jace easily, he knew that.

"Fine!" He exclaimed, exasperated. "But don't waste my time!"

And he buzzed him in.

Before even a moment had passed, there was a hammering at his door. Magnus pulled it open, not even attempting to mask his irritation.

Jace stepped inside without invitation, golden eyes surveying the apartment, taking in the heavy curtains drawn over the windows, the drab decor and the general lack of light in the place.

"You should have mentioned you had a vampire staying." Jace said lightly. "I would have brought a prayer book to hurl at them."

Magnus ignored him. "Get to the point, Lightwood." He snapped.

"We want you to help us take on the Greater Demon. You're the only warlock in the area who can do it. Just slow him down for us. We'll handle the rest."

"How many times do I have to tell you Nephilim that I am not yours to command? Fight your own battles. It is of little concern to me what Sebastian may or may not be doing."

"Don't give me that crap, Bane." Jace snorted. "If you didn't care about this world, you would have left it by now. And somehow, I think it might be of _some_ concern to you if we all get ourselves killed today, when you could have helped us. Don't pretend you don't have at least some emotional investment in our well being."

Magnus glared at him. "This _is_ about Alec. I knew it was!"

"Not only Alec. You care about Isabelle, and Clary too- even me, and don't deny it- but yes, perhaps it is just a little bit more about Alec. You've destroyed him. He doesn't know how to function anymore!"

Magnus turned away from him, gazing into the empty stone fireplace. His heart contracted painfully at the thought of a broken hearted Alec, moping around the institute.

_In his scruffy black sweater..._

"I... Alec made a choice." He said finally. "He chose to go behind my back. I in turn have chosen to end our relationship. It's very simple."

"Right. And that's going very well for you, obviously." Jace gestured to the apartment around them, his voice laden with sarcasm. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. Will you help us or not?"

"No." Magnus said firmly.

"No?"

"No."

"You're really going to risk our lives- his life- for your pride?"

"As if you've never done the same!"

"I thought you were better than this."

"You thought wrong."

Jace looked furious. "You're unbelievable."

And with that, he turned and stomped out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Magnus slumped back onto a chair behind him. In truth, he had stopped listening to Jace after he had mentioned Alec's apparent dejection. As much as he hated to admit it, Magnus could not help but feel a little pleased.

After all, the only thing that could have been worse than knowing that Alec was miserable would have been knowing that he was fine.

A meow by his feet alerted him to the Chairman's judgemental stare.

"What?" Magnus demanded.

The cat's yellow eyes never left his face.

"Oh, by the angel." He groaned. Then, he leapt to his feet, and ran after Jace.

He caught the boy up halfway down the street.

"All right!" He exclaimed. "I'll help you."

Jace grinned his smug, superior grin. "I knew it!"

"On one condition." Magnus continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "You can't tell him I'm there."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hey guys! Thanks for all the nice reviews and encouragement **_

"I can't believe he wouldn't help us."

Jace and Alec sloped back towards the Institute, covered in blood and ichor and sweat. Defeating the Greater Demon had been easier than they'd imagined; as it had turned out, Sebastian was not involved at all with the lesser disturbance in Manhattan, and with the combined forces of four shadow hunters, two werewolves and Magnus, they had quickly sent the beast back to its home dimension. Now, all that remained to be done was to return home and have a wash.

"He's stubborn." Jace said, not meeting Alec's eyes as they strolled through the leafy New York streets under a heavy glamour. "He doesn't want to see us."

He had kept his word to Magnus. Whilst Jace rushed forwards to help his fellow Shadowhunters, the Warlock hung back, working his spells from a distance. Jace understood his reluctance to see Alec, but that didn't mean he liked it. He hated lying to his Parabatai, especially about something that was so obviously important to him.

"Stubborn is one thing. But this? This is cruel. I didn't think he was so petty."

It was clear that Alec was fuming. His rage was practically bubbling over, cracking its way through the boys calm facade. And just beneath the surface, there was hurt. Jace tried to put himself in Alec's shoes, but found that he couldn't. Or rather, he didn't want to. He longed to tell him the truth: That Magnus had been there, as always, looking out for them and protecting them, but his promise held him back.

"I'm sorry." Was all he could think to say, because it was true. He _was _sorry.

Alec shook his head. "Don't be. It's not your fault. Which, I have to say, is unusual."

Jace grinned at him. "Please, I have gotten you out of far more trouble than I've _ever_ gotten you into!"

"You get us into ninety percent of the trouble you get us out of! So that doesn't count."

"Hmph!" At last, they were in front of the institute, and Jace noted that the gate was slightly ajar. Izzy and the others must have left it open for them.

"They really shouldn't do that." Alec muttered, striding ahead. "It's dangerous."

Jace rolled his eyes, about to comment on how life was _always _dangerous, but decided against it. He knew Alec's anger was not likely to totally dissipate anytime soon, and that it was probably best to leave him alone, and let him cool off.

"I'll be in my room if you need me!" He called to the back of Alec's head, as it swiftly disappeared down the corridor.

"I don't think I will."

Jace shook his head. If Alec didn't cheer up soon, he was going to have to go and have another chat with a certain warlock...

It was only after Alec had slammed his bedroom door that the full force of his emotions took hold. Half of him felt like storming down to Magnus and demanding to know what on _earth_ he was playing at; the other wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

As it was, he sat down on his bed, reaching under his pillow and taking out the photograph he always kept there.

"Do you really hate me so much?" He whispered, gazing down at the frozen, laughing Magnus he now saw before him. "I thought you said you loved me..."

_Aku cinta kamu. _ That was what he had said. But of course, Alec had no idea if that really meant what Magnus said it did. For all he knew, it might mean "Chicken and chips please".

Hot tears burned in his eyes, blurring his vision, but did not spill over.

All at once, his phone buzzed where it sat on the bedside table. Alec jumped in surprise, dropping the photo.

_Battery Full. _The screed read. Alec rolled his eyes, but reached out and unplugged it from its charger.

His finger strayed absentmindedly to his contacts, and before he even knew what he was doing, he was staring once again at Magnus' name.

He knew that if he were Izzy, he would long since have deleted the number, and replaced it with at least half a dozen others; discarding old memories in favour of newer, shinier ones. Isabelle was not sentimental like Alec was, not romantic in the same way. And it somehow seemed to make her more desirable. He didn't think she'd ever been dumped in her life. Nor would she be, if she stayed with Simon. At least he brought out some humility in her...

No, Izzy would have forgotten anyone who treated her as Magnus had him in an instant.

But Alec was not his sister.

He hit the green dial button, and raised the phone to his ear, breathing shallow and heart racing.

_What are you doing?_ A voice in his head demanded. _This is not going to end well..._

But he could not move.

Magnus answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

Alec inhaled sharply. He felt he hadn't heard the Warlock's voice in years; decades could have spanned the time between the day in the train station and now. It was like being struck by lightning- unpleasant and painful and exhilarating. He had missed him so much.

"Hello? Is there anyone there?"

Alec couldn't answer. He could no longer remember why he'd called, or what he'd hoped to achieve.

"Alexander?"

The sound of his name shocked him into action. With a small squeak, he hit the disconnect button, dropping the phone onto the bed.

_That, _he told himself, _was the worst idea you've had since talking to Camille about your love life._

At the other end of the line, Magnus sighed and put the phone down. He knew without glancing at his caller ID that it had indeed been Alec. In some ways, he was glad not to have to talk to him; even seeing him today had been hard enough. Any far off, distant hope he had held that getting over the Shadowhunter would not be excruciatingly difficult vanished in a puff of smoke. Even now, his chest ached, and little parts of his mind called out for him to run to the institute and beg Alec to come back. To apologise for even dreaming of being apart from him, and kiss him until they both forgot that they had ever been anywhere else but with each other.

But even as he thought it, he knew that it could not be. He could not forgive Alec for what he had done- and he would never forgive himself if he took away from the person he loved the chance to move on, and have a normal relationship. After all, that was obviously what he craved. Someone who didn't have eight hundred years- give or take a century- of secrets to bury. Someone who would not only love him, but grow old and die with him.

It might be hard for Alec now, but mortals had much shorter memories than those who lived forever. Magnus had learned that from bitter experience.

Alec would forget about him, eventually. Of that, Magnus was convinced.

As for him? Well, he never forgot. But time healed all wounds... didn't it?


	4. Chapter 4

"Oh come on Alec! Don't be like that!"

Alec turned and raised an eyebrow at Clary. "I'm not being _like_ anything! I just don't feel like it, okay?!"

Clary rolled her eyes. "If you're not careful, I'll set Jace on you. And if he can't persuade you, I'll have Isabelle on the case."

"What is this, the hierarchy of annoying-siblings-and-their-partners?"

It had started with Simon. Despite all his newfound Vampire speed and strength, the boy was still about as intimidating as a field mouse with pointed teeth. Alec had absolutely no problem getting rid of him.

Then, came Clary. Despite her tiny stature, he had to admit that there was something a little daunting about refusing her; there was grim determination in her green eyes, an expression which was both gentle and stern on her pale face.

"Alec, we just want to spend time with you. I've hardly seen you all week. All month, even."

"You see me! We've been hunting almost every day!"

"You _know _that's not what I mean."

"Clary. I am _not_ going to sit and watch stupid mundane movies with you and my siblings and Simon. I literally cannot think of anything worse to do with my time. Besides, I have other plans."

"Sitting in your room and stewing in your own misery, you mean?" She challenged, folding her arms and scowling.

Alec stared at her. Clary was right, of course, but then she always seemed to be when it came to him. Ever since the day he'd met her, she'd seen what almost no one else had seen; and he had hated her for it.

Well, that, amongst other things. His ridiculous crush on Jace had had something to do with the incredible resentment that he had felt against her...

Now, he couldn't help but admire her for it- if begrudgingly. Besides, he suspected that, if they all lived through whatever Sebastian had planned, Clary would be his sister-in-law. And he was glad. She was good for Jace, and what was more, he liked her. Maybe loved her even, in the same exasperated way he loved Izzy. Even Simon was beginning to grow on him now, in much the same way.

No matter what he did, he couldn't seem to avoid picking up extra siblings. And he hadn't even realised it.

With a pang, he thought of Max.

_They're not replacing him_. He told himself firmly. _They're just... additional. Max will always be there, too._

"Alec?"

Clary was staring at him, her eyes demanding an answer. He groaned, and ran his fingers through his floppy black hair.

"What are you watching?"

"Star Wars."

"Oh God, not that awful thing Simon's always banging on about?"

Simon had recently discovered—much to everyone's surprise, and everyone but Izzy's alarm—that he could set foot on the sanctified ground of the Institute. They had searched in vain for some sort of explanation, but had come up with nothing. Eventually, they had been forced to put it down to Jace's blood: If it could let him walk in Daylight, why not enter the grounds of the Institute?

Well, that's what they'd told themselves, but Alec knew no one was really convinced. Still, it was the best they could do for now.

Accordingly, Simon had also been invited to the Institute every night since, to _"make up for lost time_", as Izzy put it. As much as Alec liked Simon, he could not say he was pleased to know how much time they had spent alone in Izzy's room. Even if they claimed Simon was only educating her on Mundane pop culture.

"Yes, that. Come on Alec, if Izzy can get into it, you can too..."

"Izzy has a _motive._" He scoffed, but he was already relenting. Maybe they were right; maybe he did need to get out of his room. He had listened to every song Magnus had ever mentioned, ever, at least six times. He had built a bonfire of everything that reminded him of him, fully intending to set it alight- but had ended up sitting and staring at it for a full hour, before deconstructing it and returning every item to its rightful place. He'd called Magnus at least eight times, and listened to his voicemail six of them. The other two- the first two- Magnus had answered.

And Alec had hung up.

"Fine. Just give me a second."

Clary's face broke into a wide smile. "Great! We're in the library- Simon's sister donated us an old TV. Hurry up!"

Less than five minutes later, Alec was nestled between Izzy and Jace, watching yellow writing scroll up the screen.

Clary and Simon were sprawled in the chair beside them, Clary balancing on his lap. Alec studied Izzy's face for any sign of reaction, but she seemed perfectly content.

_She doesn't get jealous._ He thought to himself. _Not like I do. She trusts people. She would never have done what I did..._

The idea of Isabelle Lightwood betraying someone she loved was ludicrous, full stop. How was it that his siblings had ended up with all the loyalty, all the goodness, whilst he wasted his time scheming and hurting everyone he cared about?

He felt something sharp press into his upper arm, and he turned to see Jace poking him.

"This film is going to _suck._" He grinned, and Alec laughed.

"I have to agree."

Simon rolled his eyes. "This film," he intoned, with the air of someone about to give a great speech, "Is a masterpiece. I wouldn't expect you snobby Shadowhunter types to understand, but..."

At that, Izzy and Clary both cleared their throats at the same time, whilst Jace and Alec laughed still harder.

"Jace, if you hate this film, I may have to leave you." Clary teased.

"Oh, surely not!" Jace exclaimed, passing a hand across his forehead. "In which case, this film shall be the most treasured of all films to me. I will never watch another film, in fact, if that is what pleases you. If I must become a tragic dork like our good friend the Vampire, I will even do that, if it must be so. But oh, dearest Clarissa, please do not drive me to such extremes..."

"Shut up!" Simon half shouted- cutting of what was undoubtedly going to be a clever, yet sickening response from Clary. "It's starting properly now!"

Jace winked at Clary, but said no more, settling back in amongst his siblings, golden eyes fixing on the screen. Alec began to wonder about the slug creature he'd seen on one of Simon's many posters, and when it would appear in the film. It looked like some kind of demon; and anything that involved Demons getting killed was likely to catch both his and Jace's attention.

The screen was currently being occupied by a sandy desert of some sort, and a strange golden man waddling about.

"Who's he?" Alec asked.

"Shh!" Simon, Clary and Izzy all hissed at once.

Alec sighed, but was quiet. Maybe he would get into this film after all...

The golden man came into closer focus. Light glinted off the dials and pullies on his body. He had eyes like car headlights, Alec thought. He thought about asking Simon what planet this was set on, but he never did.

Because that was when the Demons exploded into the room.

_**Hey guys! I'm sorry this chapter doesn't really have much Malec in it, but it's more a focus on the other relationships in the series- especially the non-romantic ones- because they just don't get enough time in the spotlight. I promise they'll be lots of Malec action in the last two chapters!**_

_**Speaking of which, after I finish this fic, I'm thinking of writing lots of little one-shots about various characters. If people could leave prompts in the reviews for this, I'll be sure to get around to them! And of course, normal reviews are great, as they really encourage me to keep writing! **_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hey guys! Thanks for putting up with me! I promise, I'm getting near to an end now...**_

Magnus stared as his apartment door clicked shut, not sure whether he was more shocked or alarmed.

_So it was true, what Alec said._ He realised. _Camille is dead._

He had just had a visit from Maureen.

She had arrived, along with two new subjugates, at his door only ten minutes previously.

"Mr Bane?" She'd said, in her sweet, sickly voice. "May I come in?"

And he'd let her. He'd sat silently as she rattled off a list of demands she had of him- after all, he was High Warlock, and she was Head of the Vampires, they had to get on- and told him exactly how she was going to run things.

"I'm keeping Raphael. He's good at keeping the others under control. He said he knew you, and that you wouldn't give me trouble. Is that true?"

Magnus nodded mutely, too surprised to really say much. How had this girl, this _newborn_, managed to kill Camille? Camille, who was hundreds of years old, and immensely powerful? It made no sense. No sense at all.

He suspected that he should feel sad at the news. After all, he had loved Camille once. Or at least, he'd believed he had. After knowing Alec, he was less sure.

But then again, after knowing Alec, there was very little he was still sure of.

All at once, his phone rang, breaking into his thoughts and breaking his gaze away from the door. He hurried over to where it sat on a tabletop, his heart in his throat.

Would it be Alec again? The boy always had a habit of calling when Magnus was thinking about him- although he had to admit, it was probably the most statistically likely thing that _could_ happen. He just wished he would either stop, or have the courage to actually say something. Anything. Even if he just told him to go to hell, Magnus would be happy to hear his voice again. No matter how convinced he was that he had done the right thing, he missed Alec. Contact with him would probably hurt him more in the end- but at least, for a few seconds, he might feel better.

He put the phone to his ear, holding his breath.

"Hello?"

"Warlock Bane?"

The voice at the other end was definitely _not _Alec's. It was high pitched, and familiar.

_Maryse Lightwood_.

What on earth could she want?

"Yes? Am I speaking to Maryse?"

He felt strange addressing the woman by her first name; after all, they were hardly on close terms even before his and Alec's breakup. But something about calling her "Mrs Lightwood" felt so alien to him, he could not bring himself to do it.

"Magnus. I need your help." Her voice was rising and hitching constantly. She sounded absolutely panicked. "Sebastian has attacked the institute- there demons inside, Magnus. Demons. I don't know how they got in, but they did. My children were all inside, and Clary- and the Vampire boy, Simon? Please help them, Magnus- the Clave are sending backup, and I'll be there as soon as I can, but..."

And, to his astonishment, she broke down into sobs at the other end of the line.

"Maryse," He said, trying to keep his own voice calm. "I will go straight there, but your children are Shadowhunters. They can hold their own against a few demons."

"You don't understand, Magnus. This horde Sebastian has called... There are greater demons amongst them. Even... Even a Prince of Hell."

Magnus' heart plummeted into his shoes. "No..." He whispered.

"Gather everyone you can." She instructed, her voice regaining some of its usual steely quality. "And go! Go now!"

Magnus nodded, and without another word, hung up. His hands were shaking as he rushed into the centre of his apartment, and began muttering incantations.

_Portal. I need a portal._

When he arrived at the Institute, it was immediately obvious that something was wrong. The door was flung wide open, and from within, Magnus could see the flickering shadows that were only ever cast by fire. He broke into a run, speeding down long stone corridors towards the source of the noise and commotion.

He was relieved to see that reinforcements had already arrived. Everywhere he looked, there were Shadowhunters; some in their usual black gear, but still more in regular clothing, as if they had been forced to drop whatever average, boring task they were performing at the time, and appear without delay.

There were some Downworlders too. Magnus had called Raphael, hoping to call in a favour, guessing that the Institute's hallowed ground would no longer affect them. He had been right. Every so often, he would catch a flash of deathly pale skin, and light gleaming on fangs, and he would know that the vampires were indeed here.

But most of all, there were demons.

Magnus blasted them aside as he passed, blue fire dancing all around his wiry frame. These were minor demons, nothing that a few Shadowhunters couldn't handle. No, Magnus was going straight to the source of this trouble: The Prince of Hell Sebastian had reportedly unleashed, and if possible, Sebastian himself.

He rounded the corner into what had once been the library, but now resembled a burning scrapheap. Two of the walls had been completely demolished, and the fighting had continued outside into the grounds of the Institute. Magnus caught sight of fiery red hair dancing back and forth, and the crack of a golden whip.

_Clary. Isabelle. _He thought, heaving a sigh of relief. At least they were still alive and fighting, fighting with everything they had.

That meant there was a chance for all of them, he told himself. They were Shadowhunters, through and through. Their weapons were always with them, they were never off their guard...

But he could not think of Alec without his heart clenching with worry.

_Where is he?_

"Magnus? Magnus!" He turned, to see Clary running towards him, having just dispatched a particularly nasty Molochi demon. "Thank god you're here!" She cried, and flung her arms around him.

"Clary! What on earth happened here?"

"I don't know. I don't know..."

She was hysterical, that much was clear; fighting demons the only thing keeping her calm.

"It's okay. Help is here. Maryse said something about a greater demon? Or even one of the Princes of Hell being here. Clary, I need to know if that's true, and if so, where they are. I might be the only person who can help."

"They were here. That's how the walls came apart. And Sebastian... Sebastian was here too. But Jace took off after him, and the two of them started fighting..." She looked stricken. "I don't know where they went. I don't know if he's okay..."

"Jace can take care of himself. What about..." He wanted desperately to say Alec, but couldn't. "... the others? Simon?"

"I don't know. It was chaos, Magnus. I-"

Suddenly, she shrieked, and shoved him backwards, diving to the side just as a huge forked tale smashed down where they had been standing. Magnus sprang to his feet, magic burning at his fingertips. With one fluid motion, he sprang at the demon, blue flames dancing forwards and engulfing it. The creature shrieked in agony, and then was gone.

Magnus barely paused, only twisting to see if Clary was okay. She was back on her feet, and battling ferociously against another demon. He would have helped her, but he knew he needed to save his energy. There was only so much magic stored inside him, and he would need it all to defeat a Prince of Hell.

Or, there was the other alternative. Find Jace and Sebastian, and kill him. That would surely send all the demons back, wouldn't it?

_It would be easier._ He reasoned, changing directions to follow a set of scorch marks blazed into the dirt. Finally, it seemed, Jace's "Heavenly Fire" issue was going to come in handy.

Of course, his desire to find Jace had nothing to do with the fact that his Parabatai would likely be battling alongside him. No, that was a completely independent factor.

The scorch marks zigzagged all across the grass, showing in places where Jace had been losing, then gaining the upper hand. In places, they even ran up tree trunks, then sprawled back in the grass below. Magnus dreaded to think what sort of state Jace would be in when he found him.

_If he's still alive._

He rounded a corner, and stopped dead.

There, crouching in the dirt, was the unmistakable white-haired figure of Sebastian, glowing silver in the moon's light. He was leaning over something, something that was dimly glowing, the grass around it burnt black.

_Jace_.

Sebastian had a knife to the boys throat, and was teasing him with it, gently.

"All your friends are dead." Magnus heard him whisper. "Everyone you love. I had them killed, just like I did that pathetic Lightwood boy you pretended was your brother. I am more your brother than he ever was, _Jace_, and the sooner you admit it, the sooner I'll let you die, too."

Jace stared at him for a moment. Then, he hawked, and spat in his face.

Sebastian reeled back in disgust, and Magnus seized his chance. Sebastian was thrown onto his face in the dirt, his right leg bending beneath him at an unnatural angle and a hideous snapping sound echoing through the cold night air. Sebastian shouted with pain and rage, then twisted round just in time to see Jace descending on him.

The two of them rolled in the dirt, while Magnus sent a horde of tiny blue hornets into their midst, stinging Sebastian's face and arms and legs.

Then, with an animalistic cry of rage, Sebastian was on his feet. His face whitened with the pain as he leant on his broken leg, but he still managed to look terrifying, towering over Jace in all his angelic beauty.

"I will come back for you, Jonathon." He said. "And for Clary. And as for you, _Warlock,"_

He spat the word like it was a poison; the hatred in his eyes as he turned to Magnus was almost deranged. "I'd threaten you, but I think you'll find there's not much left for you to be afraid of after tonight."

And he grinned- an evil, manic grin- before turning, and simply vanishing into the dark.

All around them, the air that had been filled with the cries of demons, and Nephilim, and Downworlders, fell suddenly and deathly silent.

It seemed Sebastian's attack on the Institute was over. For now, at least.

Magnus hurried over to where Jace still sat, crouched in the dirt, and pulled him to his feet.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. Thank you, Magnus. You just saved my life."

Magnus, under any other circumstance, would have been struck by the remarkable humility in Jace's voice and manner, but his heart was beating out of his ribcage, and Sebastian's words kep whirling around inside his head.

"What did he mean? '_There won't be much left for you to be afraid of after tonight'- _that's what he said. What did he mean, Jace?"

"I... I..."

"Where is Alec?" He could no longer contain himself; could no longer avoid saying the name of the person he most wanted to find. "Why aren't you with him?"

"I was fighting Sebastian! Alec... I don't know where he is. But he's not dead, Magnus, I can tell you that. I would _know_ if he were dead."

Magnus nodded, only slightly comforted. "I'm going to find him." He said, turning and stalking back towards the Institute. Jace fell into step beside him, and Magnus could see now that he was badly hurt. Blood ran from his forehead, staining the grey jumper he was wearing a dark and dangerous red-black.

_He's not wearing gear._ Magnus noted. That meant they weren't prepared when the Institute was attacked. But then, why would they be? A demon had never made it across their grounds before.

Of course, it was fine for Jace. He was practically invulnerable anyway.

But Alec...

"Clary!" Jace cried out, his voice breaking with relief. Magnus looked up to see the bundle of red hair flinging itself into Jace's arms, Isabelle and Simon running close behind.

"Magnus!" They both exclaimed at the same time.

"Yes."

Five out of six of them.

"I should have known." Simon was saying. "I should have known when I managed to cross the grounds myself."

Isabelle shook her head. "We thought it was another side effect of your powers. Or something the angel had done to you. Or just..." She shrugged. "It wasn't your fault, Simon. None of us realised."

"Isabelle," Magnus breathed, already losing patience. "I have to ask. Where is your brother?"

She stared at him, wide eyed. "I don't know."

Magnus nearly shouted with frustration, but instead, he strode past them, muttering to himself, and staring around. There were bodies on the floor, he noted. Shadowhunter bodies. But not too many of them. Not nearly as many as he'd feared...

His Alec was not amongst the dead. Magnus hurried on, past the library and into the shadowy darkness on the other side.

He was about to cast a light for himself, when his leg collided with something long and soft, and he found himself hurtling towards the ground.

A groan emanated from whatever had tripped him, and Magnus turned, fear already gnawing at his insides.

It was Alec, and he looked awful.

His clothes were ripped, and blood poured from deep, messy wounds. His eyes were closed, and Magnus noted with alarm that he was wheezing heavily. The sound was not a healthy one, and it dawned on him that whatever had attacked him might have done some damage to his lungs.

"Alec," He whispered, leaning over him. "Alec, please..."

He immediately began to run his hands over the wounds, sealing shut those that could be simply healed. More concerning was the black liquid seeping from some of them: Demon Poison. It would take all his strength to heal those- strength he did not have.

"HELP!" He shouted desperately, hoping that Jace and the others had chosen to follow him. "HE'S OVER HERE. HELP US!"

Alec stirred, his eyelids flickering fitfully. Magnus began to chant the healing spells under his breath. He didn't care if he didn't have the strength. He was going to find it, somewhere.

"Alec," He murmured, as blue light began to glow around the boy. "I love you. I love you. Please don't go. Please don't leave me."

He could hear voices approaching, and he pressed his forehead against Alec's, still feeling the magic drain from him as it ran into the Shadowhunter's veins. "I love you." He hissed again, blackness beginning to cloud the edges of his vision. "I will always love you. Even when you don't love me anymore."

And then, he felt strong arms pulling the boy away from him. He tried to protest, but he was too weak. He was dimly aware of being hoisted to his feet, before darkness rolled over his vision, and everything went quiet.


	6. Chapter 6

Someone was holding a Witchlight nearby. The soft white light assaulted his eyes before he had even opened them, shining through the thin skin of his eyelids as if they were paper.

He could hear hushed voices, and the creaking of metal beds. The sterile smell of hospitals clung to everything around him, and he was dimly aware that he could not move any of his limbs.

_I should have stayed unconscious_. Magnus thought bitterly, before forcing his eyes open.

He was lying in one of the many- usually unoccupied- beds in the Institute's infirmary. Somebody had tucked the rough woollen blankets so tightly around him he somewhat resembled an Egyptian mummy. It was not difficult to guess who.

Isabelle Lightwood sat in a chair beside his bed, filing her nails almost absentmindedly.

Magnus cleared his throat, and she looked up.

"Magnus!" She squealed, jumping to her feet and flinging her arms around him, making him feel even more claustrophobic. "You're awake!"

"So it would seem."

His voice sounded cracked and weak, even to his own ears.

Izzy pulled back, not looking even slightly abashed. "I'm so glad. We weren't sure, you see. None of us had ever seen a Warlock use up all his magic before, and we thought..." She tailed off. "Well, it hardly matters anymore!" She continued, tone suddenly bright again. "Because here you are! Do you need me to get you anything?"

"Isabelle Lightwood, _fetching_ things for other people?" He scoffed. "I never thought I'd see the day."

She rolled her pretty, dark eyes. "Well, I probably won't get it for you. I'll send Simon. But it's the thought that counts!"

Magnus permitted himself a small smile. "Some water wouldn't hurt."

Izzy grinned, and skipped away, presumably to find her boyfriend.

Magnus wriggled in the narrow bed, trying to liberate himself from the cocoon wrapped around him. The Infirmary was all but empty; the other wounded Shadowhunters must have either been fixed up, or died.

_There was probably some of both._

Magnus turned his head to the right, and then to the left, surveying every occupant in every bed, holding his breath...

Finally, he spotted him, in the bed that sat closest to the once magnificent wooden doors, which now hung partly off their hinges.

Alec lay perfectly still, eyes closed and dark hair tousled. He was very pale, but obviously alive. Obviously recovering.

Magnus heaved a sigh of relief, icy cold fear releasing its grip on his heart. Of course, he could have guessed just from looking at Isabelle that nothing terrible had happened to her brother, but there was something about seeing it with his own eyes that made it seem more real.

"You still love him."

He looked up, to see Izzy had returned, setting a glass of water down on the bedside table.

"Where's Simon?"

"Talking to Clary." Izzy brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face impatiently. "Stop being evasive. You still love my brother."

He sighed. "Of course I do."

"He still loves you."

At that, Magnus said nothing. He looked away from her, back down the long hall of the infirmary.

"Don't you care?"

"Care? How could I not care?"

"I don't know. I don't pretend to understand you, Magnus Bane. But I know what I know. Please talk to Alec. Even if you don't want to get back together with him- just _talk_ to him."

Magnus considered her.

"Okay." He said finally.

Izzy's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Just like that?"

"Just like that."

For a moment she simply stared at him with narrowed eyes, as if trying to discern whether or not he was lying. Then, her face broke into a smile.

"Fantastic! I knew you'd come round! Although, Magnus, I should probably warn you-"

All at once, the door burst open, cutting Isabelle off mid-sentence. In strode a tall, blonde Shadowhunter Magnus had never seen before. He looked about twenty, with his muscular yet lithe frame and faint stubble on his chin.

"Where is he?" The boy called, and Magnus realised with a jolt that he was talking to Isabelle. "Why aren't you with him?"

He spoke with the stiff accent of the Idris-raised Shadowhunters, and Magnus heard in his voice all the typical arrogance that came along with it. Everything about him spoke of confidence, from his large, swift steps to his over styled hair.

Isabelle looked a little guilty. "Just over here." She replied, quickly standing up and hurrying to Alec's bedside, shooting a glance over her shoulder at Magnus.

It was a look that told him everything.

"Alec, darling," The boy breathed, kneeling down at the head of his bed. "Can you hear me?"

Alec made no reply, still very clearly unconscious.

"That's okay," The boy said, standing up. "I'll see you soon." He turned to Izzy. "No change?"

"None at all."

"Well. I have to say I'm surprised to find you at the bedside of some _Downworlder _instead of with your brother." His cool blue eyes flickered towards Magnus. He saw Izzy stiffen.

"Richard, that is Magnus Bane. He is responsible for _saving Alec's life_ last night."

"Oh."

Richard hesitated for a moment, then made his way over to the end of Magnus' bed. "It appears we all owe you a debt, Warlock. It is unusual to find a Downworlder with so much compassion for Shadowhunters- or anyone at all, really. I'm sure the Shadowhunters of the institute have already offered you a reward for your services, but let me second the offer. Anything you want, we will endeavour to give you."

Magnus nearly choked on his water.

_Alec hasn't told him about me_. He realised. _If he had..._

If he had, the boy's barely concealed hostility would have slipped into outright nastiness. Magnus had always been good at reading people, and eight hundred years is a long time to practice. Either... _Richard_ was immune to jealousy, or he didn't know he had cause to be jealous. And Magnus was yet to meet anyone unaffected by jealousy.

The thought hurt, more than he'd thought it would. Every second that passed was inflicting some new wound upon him.

"I assure you, that will not be necessary." He said, as calmly as he could. "As much as I have always tried to stay out of your ridiculous Nephilim conflicts, I feel that this is something that concerns us all. I would much rather Sebastian did not destroy this world. So thank you, _Shadowhunter, _but I will take no reward."

Richard shrugged. "In which case... I wish you a quick recovery. Isabelle," He turned and called. Magnus squinted at the girl, but she was avoiding eye contact with him. "Your assistance is required in the library. Honestly, demon hordes do more damage than they're worth!"

Magnus smiled weakly. "You'd almost think destruction was in their nature."

"Almost. Until we meet again, then, Mr Bane."

And with that, he was gone, Izzy trailing in his wake. As she reached the door, she turned back and looked at Magnus.

"_Talk to him" _She mouthed. Magnus closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the doorway was empty.

_This was what you wanted._ Whispered a little voice in his head. _For him to move on. To have a normal relationship. To be happy._

And it was true. But that didn't mean it didn't _hurt._ In his mind's eye, Magnus could see Alec and Richard together, doing all the things that they had once done: Travelling the world, fighting over ridiculous things, curling up together at night...

And of course, all the things they _hadn't_ done. Growing old together. Experiencing life's highs and lows for the first time, together.

They would probably even go to Peru.

Slowly and carefully, Magnus pushed the covers back, and got to his feet. His legs shook, but he could walk, his strength slowly coming back to him as he limped towards Alec, and settled into the chair beside the bed.

He looked so peaceful as he slept. The impulse to reach out and touch him was too strong, and so Magnus tenderly traced the lines of his cheekbones, and tucked some of his messy black hair behind his ear.

"Aku cinta kamu." He murmured. His native tongue felt heavy and meaningful on his tongue. It spoke of emotion, of feelings that were slightly outside of definition. Of loss.

He did not speak it often, or lightly.

"Magnus?"

Alec's blue eyes fluttered open, and fixed upon the Warlock's face. Magnus froze.

"Hello, Alexander."

"Magnus," His voice cracked as he spoke. "My Magnus..."

He reached out for Magnus' hands, which hung in midair before him, his blue eyes filled with a dreadful hope that Magnus could hardly bear to look at.

"No Alec," He said, drawing his hands away. "Not _your Magnus. _Not anymore._"_

Alec, for a moment, looked bewildered. Then, he rolled onto his back, screwing his eyes shut and covering them with his hands.

"Of course. Of course not."

Magnus said nothing. He didn't know _what_ to say. Words of love and hurt and betrayal all boiled at the surface of his mind- but none of them were right. None of them could say everything he needed them to say.

"Where am I?" Alec asked, not moving his hands.

"The Infirmary, in the Institute." Magnus was amazed at how steady his voice sounded. "Do you remember the attack?"

"Attack?! No... _Yes_." He sat bolt upright, visibly paling, blue eyes suddenly wild and focused. "Are they alright? My family? Magnus, please tell me-"

"They're all perfectly alright. Please, Alec, lie down..."

"What about Clary? And Simon? They're all okay?"

"Yes. All of them."

"You're not lying to me?"

Magnus almost laughed. "Ah, Alexander. I see your trust in me is a strong as it ever was.

Alec looked slightly abashed, and sank back down into his pillows, although he kept his eyes fixed on Magnus. "I'm sorry."

Silence. He couldn't trust himself to speak.

"I miss you." Alec continued, turning away to stare at the ceiling again.

"Alec, please don't-"

"Don't what? Tell the truth? The truth is all I have, Magnus. You once told me that you fell in love with me because I was honest. And lying is what made you leave. I'll never tell you anything that's not true again. Even if it's not what you want to hear. I am no good without you."

"You are perfectly good without me." Magnus looked down, staring at his interlocked fingers. "Please don't ever say that."

"Just ask Izzy. Or Jace. Or Clary, or Simon, or anyone. I'm hopeless. I'm worse than I was before. I just... _am_. I'm lost."

"Alec, if this is the definition of hopelessness, then at least half the human race has been hopeless at some point in time. It will pass. In fact, I've hardly been the shining example of hope myself these past few weeks. _You are_ _not the only one who was hurt_."

At that, Alec actually snorted. "Please! It's not the same for you! You've loved a thousand people before me, and we both know full well that you will move on, because you always have. And besides, you _chose_ to leave me. You could have had me back anytime you wanted!"

"No, I couldn't." Magnus' strained to keep himself from shouting, fighting for control. "Because I wanted the person I thought I was in love with. Shy, straightforward, honest Alexander Lightwood. I wanted him back more than anything in the world, but... I can't look at you and see him, anymore, Alec. I'm sorry."

And he was. Even as the words left his mouth, his mind screamed for him to stop. But he couldn't. He remembered the previous night, as he'd stumbled around the battlefield, making wilder and wilder promises to any sort of God who might be listening. Promising that he would never waste another moment of his time with Alec; that he would forgive anything he did. Forget every bad thing he had ever done, if only he could live...

But, seeing Richard had jolted him back to reality. Alec was moving on. And he hadn't even _mentioned _Magnus. Before long, he would be a faded memory, a distant shadow of a past that didn't really matter anymore...

"You... don't love me anymore?"

For a moment, he almost considered it.

_No, I don't love you, Alec. Move on. _

But he couldn't do it. He was too selfish.

"I didn't say that." Magnus stood up, suddenly bone weary. "I'm going now, Alexander. I don't think you'll see me again."

He turned, and made for the door. Behind him, he heard the quiet, muffled sounds of Alec beginning to sob. He didn't look back.

_I love you. I will always love you._ He wanted to say, but he didn't.

He just left.


	7. Chapter 7

Isabelle Lightwood stood before Magnus' door, breathing heavily. She'd run almost all the way from the Institute, not having time to find Clary and demand a portal, and now she was paying the price.

Around her, children shrieked and chased each other in the waning summer light. Standing there, Izzy could almost forget that there was a war going on; forget that these children playing in the streets would probably be dead all too soon, along with the rest of humanity.

It didn't frighten her anymore. She had lived her whole life accustomed to the idea that she would die young; that Alec would inevitably be lost, and Jace, and her parents- and now, the idea that the whole world might go up in smoke seemed only the logical conclusion to the whole mess.

Death and damnation. She knew them both well.

Of course, that only made life more precious. Izzy had been living by that philosophy since she'd been old enough to put on a pair of high-heeled shoes. Love was for people who had _time_, and fun was for those who did not. She'd had an awful lot of fun.

Now, though... Now, everything had been thrown into disarray. Since she'd met Clary, and seen Jace fall head over heels in love- _Jace_, whom she had always presumed had even less time than the rest of them, he'd been so determined to die. Since she'd snatched Aline Penhallow from the clutches of a demon, and watched her brother kiss Magnus Bane in front of every Shadowhunter in Idris.

Since she'd awoken from having her head smashed in with a hammer to find the body of her baby brother, broken beyond repair in the Penhallow's stately home.

Yes, Izzy had learnt a lot about love. The less time she had, the more intensely she seemed to feel it, spinning itself around each and every person she knew. _Even herself._

She tried not to let herself think of Simon, forcing her thoughts back to safer waters. Her Parents. Jace. Clary. _Alec._

Without a moment more hesitation, she pushed the buzzer for Magnus' apartment.

"Yes?" A taut, tired voice crackled through the intercom.

"Magnus, it's-"

"How many times do I have to repeat myself?! No. More. Shadowhunters. I do not want to speak to you. I do not want to see any of you. Please _go away._"

"No. Magnus, I don't care what you want, quite frankly. Open the damn door."

"You've got some nerve, Isabelle Lightwood."

"You say that as if it's new information?"

She heard an exasperated sigh.

"Is this about your brother?"

"No. Well, yes. But also no."

She was met with silence from the Intercom.

"I'm coming up anyway," She warned him. "You might as well let me use the stairs."

For a moment, she feared he might actually make her break into his apartment. But then, the buzzer sounded, and the door was open.

Izzy grinned, and ran up the stairs.

Magnus was waiting in the doorway when she arrived. He looked even worse than the last time she'd seen him, with his lank hair and his red rimmed eyes. He was completely devoid of everything that made him Magnus: The glitter, the outlandish fashion sense, the mischievous glimmer in his cat eyes...

"What?" He snapped.

"Do you want me to start with the news or the lecture?"

He rolled his eyes. "The news, I suppose. The lecture can wait. Until I'm dead."

"Well, the news is that I probably won't have to wait long for that. Sebastian has issued us an ultimatum. Either we deliver Clary to him by this time on Friday, or he kills us all."

"Ah. So that gives us... Four days?"

Izzy nodded grimly. "We're not handing her over."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "You're willing to risk everything- truly, _everything_- for one girl? I don't suppose Jace had some influence over this decision...?"

"Don't play the fool, Bane. You know as well as I do that Sebastian won't stop until he has what he wants. Which is to watch the world go up in flames and then rule the ashes. He doesn't just want Clary for _company_- or even for any other sick games he could play with her- although I think he wants that too. He obviously needs her power for something. Either we fight him now with her on our side, or fight him then. It's not much of a choice at all."

"And you realise that Sebastian has most likely anticipated this?"

"Of course."

"So... why are you telling me?"

"Oh, by the Angel Magnus, are you really going to make me ask? Will you fight with us?"

Magnus stared long and hard at her. "I could leave this world any time I liked, Isabelle Lightwood."

"But you don't."

"No, I don't. So do you really need to ask?"

Izzy bit back a smile, and resisted the urge to hug him. "Thank you, Magnus. Thank you."

"I'm not doing this for you, or for the Nephilim. I am doing this because it is right. For humans, for Downworlders... And perhaps even for myself."

"Right. Of course."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "I take it that is not all you have to say to me?"

"No. No it is not."

She bit her lip, trying to put everything she was thinking into words. There were so many things she wanted to say. Like how she was sorry for what Alec had done- or had thought about doing. That she knew it was selfish and jealous and stupid- but that Alec _was _all those things, and yet Magnus still loved him, just as Izzy did. She wanted to say how the two of them had only been together for a matter of months- but that she'd already grown accustomed to a version of Alec who was happy. Who smiled easily, and even tried to make _jokes _occasionally. That soon they were all going to die (She knew it; she could feel it with a certainty that jarred in every bone in her body) and all she needed to know was that Alec had been happy again, if only for a short while. She had to convince herself that even if she could not save her brothers, she had made life more worthwhile whilst they were alive. She _had_ to.

"I'm not the one who's supposed to be delivering this news. Alec was officially sent by the Clave. But he's dawdling. He's terrified of seeing you."

"Well, it was very kind of you to save him the bother."

"I'm not going to tell him I was here. And what's more, neither are you. You're going to tell him you forgive him, and that you love him, and want to be with him again. Because all those things are true."

Magnus' answer was not the one she had expected. She had anticipated anger, or defensiveness- but what she was met with was something that resembled defeat, and maybe even _hurt_.

"I really don't think that would go down too well with Alec's _new_ boyfriend." At Izzy's confused look he sighed and began to count on his fingers, "Tall, blonde, arrogant? And no, I'm not talking about Jace, although that would be _rather_ an interesting twist. I mean Richard. The boy from the hospital?"

"Richard? Oh, well." Izzy had completely forgotten about Richard. "He's irrelevant, really. Alec doesn't love him. I'm not sure he even _likes _him. He just happens to be another gay Shadowhunter, and Mom and Dad were _very _keen on encouraging that relationship. Somehow, I think they've had enough of their children dating Downworlders."

"Still, they're together. I know Alec, and he's not exactly good at hiding his feelings for people. If Richard's presence was unwanted, he would know it. And I doubt he would stick around."

Izzy shrugged. "_You _did. When Alec thought he was in love with Jace- and _you_ thought he was in love with Jace. You stayed."

"That was different." Magnus snapped. "I am eight hundred years old. I know a good thing when I find it. Richard has no such experience. He wouldn't stay with no encouragement."

"_Please_. Alec isn't over you. Even given all the time in the world, I'm not sure he would be, and..."

She didn't bother to finish. Magnus knew what she was going to say.

"It's not as if they've even slept together." She added, as an extra bonus. "If _that's_ what you're worried about."

"_Isabelle!"_ Magnus looked positively affronted. "You should know that I of all people am _not_ concerned with Alec's history—or lack thereof."

"But you are jealous of Richard. I know you are."

When Magnus declined to answer, she pushed on. "I need to go now. Alec will be here any minute. But, take my advice, Magnus Bane. Forgive Alec—If you haven't already—and make the most of the next four days. I know you never expected to have forever, but I'm guessing you thought you'd have more time than that. _Don't waste it_. Or I'll find you in whatever sort of life follows this one, and burn everything in your celestial wardrobe."

And with that, and a flick of her long black hair, she was gone, leaving a bemused Magnus in the doorway behind her.

Alec dragged his feet as he approached Magnus' building, and stood in front of the buzzer, heart thudding and stomach doing back flips. Once upon a time, he would have been able to let himself in; but since he no longer had his key...

It had been six weeks since Alec had last seen Magnus in the Infirmary at the Institute. Six long, awful weeks.

Even if it hadn't been for Sebastian's threats hanging over their heads, the Clave being its usual incompetent self, Jace's "heavenly fire" issue still not being resolved, and the fact that Isabelle seemed to be _seriously_ dating Simon, Alec would not have been enjoying himself.

He couldn't stop thinking about all the things Magnus had said to him. And the more he thought about it, the more obvious it seemed that Alec was completely beyond redemption. There was no arguing with the coldness in his eyes, so familiar and yet now so foreign to Alec.

He hadn't even managed not to break down; but then again, perhaps he could blame that on confusion and exhaustion and having only just escaped the jaws of death...

Perhaps not.

Still, there was no good in putting it off any longer. The Clave had sent him, and so he was here. He would do his job, and then he would leave. Surely it wouldn't be that difficult...?

Steeling himself, he pressed the buzzer.

"Yes?"

"Um. Hi, Magnus... I need to speak with you. On behalf of the Clave." Alec's words sounded rushed and insincere, even to his own ears.

To his surprise, Magnus didn't argue. The buzzer sounded, and Alec found he had access to the building.

_Here goes nothing._

Mere moments later, he had ascended the stairs, and came face to face with the High Warlock of Brooklyn, standing—as he always seemed to be—framed by the doorway of his apartment. He looked fairly normal, Alec thought, although his outfit was subdued by Magnus' standards, and the only makeup he had on was some subtle eyeliner- the bare minimum he ever wore.

"Hello." Alec began.

"Alexander."

Alec took a deep breath, not meeting Magnus' eyes. "I have been instructed to inform you that Sebastian has issued us with an ultimatum…"

"Alec..."

"…and is forcing us to meet him in battle if we don't give up Clary by Friday…"

"_Alec._"

"…Which the Clave has no intention of doing, and so they humbly beg that…"

"_Alexander Lightwood_!" Magnus snapped, and Alec finally stopped.

"What?"

"I already know all of this. I have just had a visit from your dear sister, informing me."

"What?" Alec frowned. "But... The Clave delegated the visit to me?"

"Well, your sister had her own ideas."

"Oh. _Oh_. Well..." Alec gazed around desperately for something to fix his eyes on, something that wasn't Magnus. "In which case, why didn't you tell me when I came to the door? I wouldn't have bothered you if I'd known..."

"And if you were bothering me, I would have told you."

For the first time, Alec chanced a glance at Magnus' expression. He was watching Alec intently, as he often did, with that curious detachment that had characterized the last few weeks of their relationship.

Sudden, furious anger flared up in Alec's chest. "What the hell do you want from me, Magnus?" He demanded. "Last time I saw you, you as good as told me you didn't love me anymore, and that you were leaving. That I _'probably wouldn't see you again'_. You made it sound as if you were leaving. For good. And now, here you are, exactly where you've always been, making me stand here and embarrass myself for no apparent reason other than to watch me squirm—or that's what it seems like, anyway. _What do you want?!"_

Magnus, to Alec's surprise and annoyance, laughed. "What do I want? Firstly, I'd like you to stop putting words in my mouth. I _never_ told you I didn't love you. Never. And what's more, I never will. Secondly, I would like..." Magnus hesitated, and for what felt like the first time Alec could remember, he looked unsure of himself. "I would like to inquire after your boyfriend." He finished, glancing down at his fingernails, which were painted black, with dots of blue in their centre. Alec couldn't help noting that the paint was chipped and worn—very unlike Magnus' usual meticulous habits.

"My boyfriend? Who do you—_Oh_, Richard. Right. Um, he actually dumped me. A few weeks ago. He said I was 'too distant'"

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Really? Your sister didn't seem to know anything about _that_."

"I... I haven't told them. Wait, you and Izzy were discussing _Richard_?!"

"Amongst other things. Why haven't you told them?"

Alec stared at him, wondering what on _earth_ this could have to do with anything. "It's... embarrassing. I mean, messing it up with you was one thing—I think we all knew _that_ would happen, but to mess it up with someone I don't even like very much…"

The words tumbled out before he had really thought about them, and he heard Magnus inhale a little more sharply than usual.

"I, for one, did _not _know you would mess it up with me." He said. "It came as something of a shock."

Alec could think of nothing to say to that, so he just stared miserably at the dirty brown floor.

"I think I'd better go..." He muttered after a long and loaded silence, and turned to make his way back down the stairs, still not looking up.

"Alec!" Magnus stepped forwards, grabbing his arm. "Wait."

"For what?"

Magnus seemed to be struggling with something. "I don't want you to leave."

Alec almost felt his heart stop. "You don't?"

"No."

"Why?"

Magnus closed his eyes, and shook his head, and muttered something under his breath in a language Alec did not know.

"You are an utter fool, Alexander Lightwood. I hope you know that."

"And you enjoy winding me up! Just tell me Magnus! Don't make me guess and wonder and jump through hoops to work out what you mean. Just tell me!"

"Because I love you. I keep telling you, but you never listen. You're always obsessing over something that might change how I feel about you: First it was Camille, then Will Herondale, then my immortality... And all the while, I am supposed to wait for you with only the vaguest hope that you feel anything like I do in return!"

Alec gaped at him. "Of course I feel the same. What makes you think I don't?"

"Oh, now let me see..." Magnus began counting on his long fingers as he began to pace up and down the hall. "Well, you spent the first half of our relationship pining after Jace. You wouldn't admit I existed to your parents—or even your friends, despite _knowing_ that they still accepted you-"

"Hey! That was ages ago. I thought I'd made up for that?"

"Well, I'm playing by your rules now, Alec. The past is _all _important here. Ah yes, you suddenly needed to know everything I've ever done in my past, ever. As if it matters at all. Then, you began conspiring to _kill me_ with my ex-girlfriend. That certainly wasn't the most loving thing you could have done. And all the while, you have never _once_ told me you love me. Not _once_. So tell me, Alexander: What am I supposed to think?"

"I...I..." Alec stuttered. "I've never told you I love you?"

"No."

"But..." He tried to think back. _Surely_, there must have been a time. But his mind drew a blank.

He remembered standing in Magnus' study all that time ago.

"_Are you saying that you would do the same for me?"_

And he hadn't answered. He wasn't sure why, but the words hadn't come. Magnus' love had always seemed crucial to him, to his existence, but... He'd never thought, never even _considered_, that Magnus would doubt him in return.

"I do. Love you, I mean. I love you."

"It doesn't quite count when you say it like that." Magnus said softly. He was standing close to Alec now; so close he could see where the threads were coming lose in the blue jumper he was wearing. Alec looked up at him.

"But why would I be here if it wasn't true? Why would I still need you, if I didn't love you?"

Magnus shrugged. "A thousand reasons. None of them especially complimentary to either of us."

"You're overcomplicating things."

Magnus laughed at that. "Oh, am I now?"

Alec stared defiantly up at him. "_Yes_. By the angel, it's not as if I don't have reasons to doubt _you_. You never told me anything about yourself. You told Camille! Why?"

Magnus sighed. "Camille is—was—immortal. I wasn't afraid when I was with her. Afraid that one day, inevitably, she would die, and every part of myself I had ever given to her would die with her. Each part of myself that I give to you, Alec, is a part that I will never quite get back again. Don't you understand how much that hurts?"

"No. I don't."

Magnus took a step back. "I don't suppose you would."

"That's not all. What about that day, just after we broke up, that we needed you? You didn't come. I understand that you didn't want to see me, but you put my life at risk. My _sibling's_ lives at risk. How could you?"

Magnus seemed to have no reply to that.

Alec glared at him for a moment, then turned to leave. He was not about to waste what might well be one of his last days on Earth arguing in circles with Magnus. It was no good, he could see that.

_Go. Go and don't look back._

He was halfway down the stairs when Magnus caught him up, grabbing his arm and pulling him back to face him.

"I was there." He breathed. "I told Jace not to tell you, and I kept my distance from you, but I came. I wouldn't leave you like that. For the last time: You are everything to me, Alexander Lightwood. I wouldn't have let you die. Not ever."

And then, without Alec realising quite how it had happened, they were kissing, Magnus dragging him by a fistful of jumper to stand on the same stair as him, and wrapping his arms around him. Alec gasped and pulled him closer, his whole body flooding with electricity.

"I love you," He whispered as Magnus pulled away to breathe. "I love you. I'm so sorry for—for everything."

Magnus shook his head, and Alec was amazed to see his eyes shining, as if he was about to cry. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore."

"So... does this mean you've forgiven me?"

Magnus kissed him again, more lightly this time. "I forgave you a long time ago."

"Then why...?"

"I wanted you to be happy. I really did. I was angry, of course, but more than that, I could see you wanted someone normal. Most people do, eventually. Of course, most of the time, _they_ leave me, but... I do love you rather a lot, Alexander." Magnus smiled ruefully. "And what's worse, I don't even _want_ to stop."

Alec reached up, and twined his arms around Magnus' neck. "I can't believe I spent all that time worrying about your immortality, when the likelihood is that we're going to die in four days time, anyway."

As he spoke, Magnus closed his eyes, and tears finally started to fall, rolling down his face even as he smiled. "We don't know that. We don't know anything. We might survive, you and I."

"I don't care. I don't care anymore. If we only have four days, we have four days. We were never going to have forever."

Alec pulled him in, and they started to kiss again, backing into the wall. Alec was sure he had never in his life been so ecstatically happy before. If in that moment someone had decided to set him on fire, he wouldn't have minded in the slightest.

"I love you." He whispered again, just in case Magnus had forgotten.

All at once, he heard a stifled cough behind them. They broke apart, and whirled around, to see Magnus' neighbour, looking quite disgruntled and standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"_Excuse_ me." She grumbled, shooting them both exceptionally disapproving looks as she stomped up between them on the way to her apartment. Alec looked up at Magnus, face burning, to see he was watching the old woman go with a mischievous glimmer in his eye.

"You know," he said, as she disappeared around the corner. "We are being something of a public nuisance."

"That's one way of putting it."

"Perhaps we should move our activities back inside..." He grinned, a wild, youthful grin, warm eyes burning into Alec's as he planted a kiss on his forehead. "I mean, as much as shocking pensioners out of their skin is amusing, there are places I'd much rather be than these stairs..."

But Alec was already two steps ahead of him, reaching back to grab his hand, and dragging him back towards his apartment.


End file.
